cleothedog

Here is a snippet from my spring newsletter:

This time last year the trees budded and leaves grew while I neared the threshold between two worlds—my life and self before I birthed my baby and after. Over the past almost year I’ve felt highs and lows, joy and grief; I’ve felt more full and more myself, and also more unsure and empty, than I’ve ever felt before. Whitman’s “I am large, I contain multitudes” pops into my head often. The phrase is true of all of us, and it seems particularly applicable to mothers and parents.

The slow and fast greening of the landscape also makes me think of what it means to work hard. Over the last many months I have possibly—no, definitely—worked the hardest I’ve ever worked. I’ve worked day and night. I’ve given until I felt empty, when I felt like there was nothing left; I’ve made countless minute decisions, which make up massive decisions, when my brain was fried; I’ve felt the heaviness of desolation, joy that took my breath away, and an endless stream of love that can be overwhelming. Being a parent requires a level of resolve that is hard to describe. And it asks something of you that seems impossible: having faith in yourself while you’re deep in the midst of transformation.

Read the full essay on Substack, and please subscribe if you haven’t yet (free): https://saltairletter.substack.com/p/tender-but-hardy